About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
