how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
