if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize