I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
