i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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