Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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