They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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