i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
