I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
