hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
