They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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