Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
