Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
