Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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