how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
