DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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