At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
