I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
