pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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