sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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