someone threw a dead crab at me
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
