I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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