thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
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After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
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We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize