guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
