tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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