I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
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