She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
