Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
