My boss' voice literally gives me gas
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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