the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize