she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
