His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
