Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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