i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
