No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
