I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
