Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
