Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
