id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
