Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
