Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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