I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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