My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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