im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
as a side note pls kill me
im on a boat
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