I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
