Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
