So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
