I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
