but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
