i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
