Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
