new low.... made out with someone while peeing
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize