youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
