the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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