she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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