the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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