If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Who did Billy Mays play for?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
