So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
