he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
