His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
im calling her cock vulture from now on
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He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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