hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
