He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
