physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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