I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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