i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
