The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
