How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
