doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
