the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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