if only i could text you this smell
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
