get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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