Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
