i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
