The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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