So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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