We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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