im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Everclear isn't food dammit
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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