The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The Olympian is in my bed
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
