Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
