Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
