I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
