what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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