Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
