it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
