I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
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