I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
